Saying Goodbye holds a free baby loss remembrance service at Chelmsford Cathedral at 7pm on 13 October. Open to all faiths, however long ago the loss.
Families from across Essex who have lost a baby are invited to a remembrance service at Chelmsford Cathedral at 7pm on Tuesday 13 October, in the middle of Baby Loss Awareness Week (9 to 15 October).
The service is run by Saying Goodbye, the remembrance arm of the charity Mariposa International. It is free, it is open to people of any faith or none, and the charity is clear that it does not matter how early a baby died or how long ago. Places can be reserved through the charity’s booking form, linked from its event listing for the Chelmsford service.
Andy, who leads the charity alongside his wife, Zoe Clark-Coates, wrote to The Chelmsford Times this week:
“For many families, baby loss remains something experienced behind closed doors. Baby Loss Awareness Week gives us an important opportunity to bring those experiences into the light, increase understanding and remind bereaved families that their babies and their grief deserve recognition.”
Who the service is for
The event listing describes it as “a service for all who have suffered the loss of a baby, at any stage of pregnancy, at birth or in infancy.”
The charity’s guide to attending a service goes further. It says the services are for anyone who lost a baby “whether the loss was recent or 80 years ago”, and that people who have been through fertility treatment, or who have never been able to have children, are also welcome. That includes a failed IVF attempt: “this was a loss and the services are for ANYONE who has lost.”
Whole families can come: parents, grandparents, and brothers and sisters of the baby who died. Babies and children are welcome too, though the charity notes there is no creche.
In his email, Andy said the charity’s main hope was simply that families in Essex hear about it:
“Above all, we would love families throughout Essex to know that the service is there for them, and that nobody should ever feel their baby was too small, their loss happened too long ago, or their grief is somehow less deserving of recognition.”
What happens on the night
The charity’s service information page says every service follows a similar shape wherever it is held. Each includes at least one act of remembrance, such as lighting a candle or ringing a hand bell, with music, poetry, short prayers and “a short message of hope” from senior clergy.
The charity is careful to say the candle is not a farewell to the baby: “it is simply a mark of remembrance, and acknowledging a life cut short.” The same goes for the name. Its guide explains that “Saying Goodbye” means saying goodbye to “the darkest grief so many people carry, so in time each person can remember their baby with a smile.”
A service lasts about an hour. The charity suggests arriving around 30 minutes early, but says people can come at any time. There is no formal counselling at the service, though the team is there to talk. Anyone coming on their own can ask at the door, and a member of the team will sit with them.
On whether people need to feel ready, the guide’s answer is a plain “NO! The service will meet you where you are at.”
Is it free?
Yes. The charity says the services are free to attend, but that venue hire, printing and other costs are substantial, so it takes a collection at each one to cover them.
About the charity
Saying Goodbye is part of Mariposa International (registered charity 1151108), which Zoe and Andy lead. Its other divisions include GrowingYou, Holding Hope, Waiting for You, Love in Every Tear and So Cherished.
The charity says Saying Goodbye has held almost 280 remembrance services in cathedrals and churches in the UK and abroad over the past 14 years.
Zoe Clark-Coates MBE is an author and campaigner on baby loss. According to the charity, she co-chaired and wrote the Government’s Pregnancy Loss Review, whose 73 recommendations were accepted, and was central to the campaign that led to the Baby Loss Certificate.
What it means for you
- If you have lost a baby, at any stage and at any time in the past, you are welcome on Tuesday at 7pm. You do not need to belong to the church or have any faith.
- Book a place through the Saying Goodbye booking form. Questions can go to the charity on 0300 323 1350 or office@sayinggoodbye.org.
- Getting there: the cathedral is on New Street in the city centre (visitor information). See our guide to parking in Chelmsford.
- If you are supporting someone, grandparents, siblings and friends are all welcome to come with them.
For everything else on in the city this month, see What’s On in Chelmsford.
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